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:::MeanJean's Wrath:::

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Life Changing Decision

Over lunch we talked about my plans of going back home. Siempre natuwa naman siya. Kuya has plans of getting married next year and nalaman ko na they'll get their own house. So I guess it's very timely that I thought of going back home.

Eto ang condition. I will get a car. My rent money will be used for paying the monthly dues of the car.

I don't know if I'm 100% sold by this idea pero I seriously need to think about it. I also need to see where my money is going. And Ma needs to see that too. I'm half excited, half not so thrilled. I hate the long travel to Rizal na but I seriously am getting lonely in my apartment.

I'll be taking a week long leave from work so I'll stay at home with Ma and see how it pans out. I still need to think hard.

Haayyyy

Monday, November 16, 2009

Inked For Life

Several years ago I was influenced by Caloi to get a tattoo. It took me awhile before I gave in. I asked a lot of people for their opinion. Others were against it saying it’s too permanent and what if you don’t want it anymore, what if you get pregnant it would stretch, or what if you’re granny old na it’s not gonna be so cool anymore. Others were for it especially those who already had tattoos.

In Aug 4, 2007, I gave in. I got my first tattoo. It was a random image that I saw from Skinworkz’ gallery. I had it resized and placed it on my lower nape. I couldn’t explain what it meant basta it was to celebrate my independence coz I was living on my own and was about to turn 30 the following year. Sometimes I would think of it as a sign of rebellion. From what? Wala lang. I kept it a secret kasi from my mom for a year. He he.

Last Dec 20, 2008, I got inked for the second time. It was becoming an annual event in my life. It was another random image that I saw from a website. Mat liked it so I went ahead and got it. I placed it on my inner lower leg. I managed to keep it a secret from my mom up to now. Everytime I would go home to her, I’d make sure to wear a pair of jeans so she won’t notice it but I would super flaunt it when I’m outside.

Last Saturday, Nov 14, 2009, I went to that same old place at Pasilyo D-19 and got a 3rd tat. What for? It was because I was so buraot at most of what happened eversince I got promoted. I had to control everything about me because they said I hold a big role now and I need to be very careful about everything that I say or do. It’s my way of letting out all those frustrations. Contrary to what most people say that we shouldn’t do things on impulse, getting the 3rd tat didn’t bring any regret. Although I admit, I was shocked that I placed it on my left back ear, looking at the pics and knowing others appreciate it made it okay. It was after Pol took a snapshot that I realized it went well with Tat 1. I had my own version of 3 Stars and a Sun. The 3 stars were Tat 3 and the sun was Tat 1 and it fit perfectly coz Tat 3 was sort of drawn closer to Tat 1.

Looking forward I think that this will really be an annual thing. Until I get married or get pregnant. Or maybe I won’t stop until I feel that it’s enough. Getting inked is really addicting not only because of the bitter-sweet pain while being under the needles but maybe it’s also the thought of it being a permanent “accessory” on my body. And the fact that it makes other people look at you and think of you as either cool or someone who just got out jail. Well, some people just won’t let go of that stigma. He he.

So here they are, my 3 tattoos:

Tat 1 – The Sun by Ding of Skinworkz

















Tat 2 – The Interlaced Flames and Sun by Alex of Skinworkz



















Tat 3 – The 3 Nautical Stars by Lou of Skinworkz

Sunday, November 01, 2009

Gubat

Minsan hindi ko talaga maintindihan kung naïve lang ako o tanga lang talaga pagdating sa pagkilatis ng ugali ng isang tao. Kung madali lang talaga ako magtiwala o sadyang utu-uto lang ako.

Patient X – Lahat ng problema niya sa buhay ay naikwento na niya. Ultimo kaliit-liitang pangyayari sa buhay niya ay naibroadcast na niya. Pero pagdating ng panahon na ikaw na ang nangangailangan ng mahihingahan ng sama ng loob, nasaan siya? Wala. Tulog. Umalis. May ginagawa. Busy. Patay na.

XYZ – Akala mo ay matatag ang pinagsamahan niyo. Napakalalim ng pagkakaibigan niyo. Pero konting kibot…ay guguho lahat ng pundasyon ng akala mo ay napakatibay na relasyon. Yung tipong hindi lang kayo nagka-akma ng pananaw sa buhay eh damay pati apo niya sa tuhod ang magsusumpa sayo. Dahil saan? Dahil sa napakaliit na dahilan lang na kaya naman pag-usapan at linawin kung lalawakan lang ang pag-iisip ng magkabilang panig.

ABC – kadugtong ni XYZ. Hindi naman talaga involved eh nakikisawsaw sa issue. Mema lang, MEMAgawa lang. I mean, hindi naman siguro porke pagkatapos ng XYZ eh balik sa ABC eh kung sino ang kagalit ni XYZ ay kagalit na din ni ABC. May tinatawag tayong “sariling pag-iisip”, “sariling pananaw sa buhay”. Kung wala naman talagang issue sayo eh wag ka na dumagdag.

Parasite – bottom of the food chain at dahil ang mga kakilala niya ay nasa taas, over to the max maka-chika na akala mo eh you both go a long way back. Tapos konting kibot, ay kala mo kung sino ng nakaakyat sa food chain at mangdadamay na ng kung sinu-sino to go against you. Hoy! Paalala ko lang, ang langaw na nakadapo sa likod ng kalabaw ay galing lang sa tae at langaw pa din kung titignan. Hangga’t hindi ka nagiging kalabaw ay may mas nakatataas pa din sayo. Huwag ka ngang ambisyosya! Echusera!

Self-righteous Bitch – hollier than though, wala akong ginagawang mali, perfect ako. Leche! Hindi bawal maghugas ng kamay pero to some extent kailangan naten matuto umako ng pagkakamali kasi hindi tayo perfect. At pwede ba? Pag trabaho, trabaho lang. Wag mong hahaluan ng personal na buhay, walang siraan. At bago ka pumuna ng mali ng iba, hoy! Tignan mo muna sarili mo sa salamin. Mas masahol ka pa sa taong sinisiraan mo. Eww.

Madami pa sila, iba’t-ibang personalidad na nakikilala ko araw-araw sa gubat na ginagalawan ko. So I guess sadyang tanga at utu-uto lang ako para paniwalaan ang mga taong kagaya ng nabanggit ko. At least now I know. Pero sa araw-araw na nakakahalubilo ko sila, araw-araw kong nilululon ang mga kaplastikan nila at saka lang isusuka pagdating sa bahay. Nakakadiri, nakakasuya.

Hindi ako perpekto, pero hindi din ako kagaya nila. Dun sigurado ako.

Monday, October 05, 2009

here we go...

sa lahat naman ng ayoko eh ang trabaho eh nahahaluan ng personal na buhay. dahil halos lahat ng ka-trabaho ko ay kaibigan ko. malinaw naman ako sa aspetong yun. walang personalan trabaho lang. ngayon it has become too personal it hurts.

masungit ako, everyone knows that. i tend to be too harsh when i'm angry. there are times when i'm totally oblivious to other people's reaction or feelings. and when that happens to people whom i'm friends with or those who know me, i expect them to tell me. not my boss, not my boss' boss. i'm not saying i have the right to get mad at my subordinates or anyone for that matter but when you’ve had it, you just have a sudden outburst of emotions. Which gets me in trouble most of the time. So maybe I haven’t learned my lesson or maybe I just need to be constantly reminded. Na tao lang ako, may hangganan. Kasi hindi ko kaya magpakabait lahat ng oras. I try though, I try so damn hard. Pero ganun talaga, one slip and your efforts are all for naught. As in ganun na lang bigla. You have to understand, masakit yun for me. Na ilang buwan ko pagpapaguran tapos sa isang iglap lang wala na naman, kailangan ko na naman pagtrabahuhan ulit.

Sana hinarap mo na lang ako. Sana kinausap mo na lang ako. Nag-YM, nag-email or nag-text man lang na may problema pala. Hindi yung sa iba ko pa malalaman. Oo, trabaho ang pinagmulan pero iba tayo dapat diba? Magkaibigan nga tayo eh. Sabi nila pag may expectation ka sa isang tao at hindi nya alam yun, hindi daw tama yun. Dapat daw sinasabi para malinaw. Eh ngayon, ano na? malala na ang sitwasyon. Pati kung pano ako magtrabaho ay naapektuhan na. Alam mo bang wala na kong tiwala sa sarili ko na maging manager? Na bawat utos ko, hindi ko alam kung kinukutya na ko ng ibang bisor o ano. Na sa bawat kilos ko at galaw sa opisina, hindi lang boss ko ang iniisip ko kung ano ang magiging reaksiyon nya. Pati reliance at security guards kailangan ko isipin kung ano ang tingin nila sakin. Kasi, hindi ko alam na ganun na pala.

Yung mga nangyari dati, hindi ako masyado apektado kasi hindi ko naman sila kaibigan eh. Wala kaming pinagsamahan. Oo I tried to improve pero yung nangyari ngayon? Iba. Hindi ko alam kung ano ba ang dapat ko gawin. Mag-sorry? Mag-public apology? Isigaw sa buong floor na mali ako? O sige, eto na. SORRY, MALI AKO NA NASIGAWAN KITA AT NAMURA SA FLOOR. Okay na? Maluwag na ba sa kalooban mo na pansinin ako na hindi work-related?

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

11, 315 Days After

At 30

- I was promoted as manager
- Had 2 failed relationships
- Lived alone renting a studio apartment
- Travelled most key cities in the Phippines

Wow, haven't really accomplished that much. Sucks to be me. Having lived 3 decades, I need to do more things worthwhile.
- Document more (take pictures of almost every event. i've given up on my journal kasi ang tagal ko na hindi nasusulatan yun so photo journal na lang)

- leave the country.

- save up as in hard core saving para may pang travel

- live life to the fullest. this is such a cliche pero lately feeling ko i haven't been living well.

- go out with friends more often. not with the usual ka-jill out but with barkada, highschool friends, college, old officemates, cousins (kasi napapag-iwanan na ko ng panahon...my nieces and nephews have babies of their own na!)

- broaden my social network. tama na ang bahay-opisina, opisina-bahay. work-life balance naman.

- get that physical check up

Parang every year na lang eto ang mga sinasabi ko pero different versions lang. I guess I try naman pero in lesser degrees lang and hindi ganun kalaki ang effect. every year, we're given a chance to learn from the past, correct our wrong moves and try to have a better life.

On my 11,316th day is where I start. Balitaan ko kayo next year kung ano mangyayari. He he

4-day Weekend Birthday

Day 1 of 4

Double shift pero walang bearing. Had breakfast (pantry food), lunch (Tokyo Tokyo) and dinner (Binalot) sa office. Went home, ate chicken skin and honey roasted peanuts while surfing. Saw bubble gang after a long time and siempre walang kupas ang show na 'to. Dozed off and confirmed that even if i don't set the sleep time on my tv, it turns itself off after some time. Dati kasi akala ko may nagpapatay lang for me (kung sino man yun, wag na lang naten alamin).

Day 2 of 4

Woke up early to go to galle for a Me time. Na-kidnap ni kapre at goya para mag-prepare ng surprise for depya na nagpa-inom nung gabing yun. Spent the afternoon at kapre's house, had TK Crispy Liempo for lunch, Shakey's mojos and pizza for merienda while pumping air into our makeshift balloons using condoms. That night we went to the far north for depya’s inuman. When we were all tipsy, tumambay kame sa tapat ng clubhouse na parang mga bata na pinakawalan sa kalye. The goal was to drink until sunrise pero nangibabaw ang katandaan ko at umuwi na lang para matulog.

Day 3 of 4

Eve of my day. Woke up at around 2pm na. Had late lunch by my lonesome self and texted sis to ask if she’s free. Luckily she was so off I went to Galle. I waited for her at Figaro and as usual late sya. Did some catching up over coffee and lance. We had dinner at Mangan, my treat and since she wanted to make salubong my birthday, we thought of getting some drinks. Ended up having coffee again at Metro Walk. Decided to go to her house for an impromptu sleep over. Talked to Joyce and watched DVD while replying to all those who were greeting me in FB. Slept at about 4am na and consequently woke up late the next day.

Day 4 of 4

My day! Had lunch at mel’s house. Was supposed to go home to ma but decided to meet Goya for dinner na lang. Went back to the apartment to dress up. Still online checking on greetings and honestly I was overwhelmed. Even acquaintances were posting their greetings. Met Goya sa office then we went to A. Venue Mall along Makati Ave. We went around the mall looking for an interesting place to dine in. Chose Focaccia and had a great meal. Next time, yung pizza wrap naman. Had coffee at CBTL while chatting. She had class at 11pm so I went with her back to the office. I stayed for an hour then left an hour before my day ends. An hour before 12mn I was then again alone in my unit. 11,316 days after……..

Monday, August 31, 2009

Synergy '09 Closing Ceremony

Woke up early today so I could make it to the 6:45 scheduled volleyball game against Purple Titans. Texted my teammates para hindi ma-default sa game. We played 4 sets, 1-3 and the Titans won the first place. It was a hard fought game and winning second wasn't that bad. Next was the basketball game against the White Travel Bruins and simultaneously the badminton game against the same team. Another hard fought game but the opponent bagged the first place. They won by 2 points in all games. Funny noh? May pattern.

In between these games I was taking care of 2 bulinggits, Miguel and Gab. Daig ko pa nag-warm up ng todo todo sa likot nung dalawa. Nakikigulo din ako sa registration and food booth plus nakiki-usyoso sa cheerdancers who were getting ready. After the management games, where I played volleyball with the honchos of APS, the cheerdance competition began.

While the other teams presented what seemed like a dance routine, the Red Cyber Pythons cheerdance was so pysched up to win. Ang lakas ng sigaw ng tao when they did their formation. Ilang beses ko na nakita yung routine but I was still screaming my lungs out whenever they finished a stunt. Ang galing! Sobrang polished ang routine and they were almost sabay-sabay that's why everyone was impressed.

The Pythons ended up bagging 2nd place in all the games but won 1st place for Cheerdance. Pag may tumalo pa ba naman samen eh magpoprotesta talaga ako! In the end, the Red Cyber Pythons became the overall champion of this year's APS Synergy. All the hardwork for the past 2 months paid off as we all emerged victorious.

The day ended with a celebration at Dencio's Jupiter and Grilla Kalayaan. Initial celebration pa lang yan. Next would be when we get our prizes. It will be an enjoyable inuman with the Team of Champions!

Saturday, August 29, 2009

I Need Space

One of the rules that I live by is respecting other people's personal space. It's the same way that I expect others to respect my personal space. When I'm walking in a crowded mall, I have to be at least 3 feet away from the people around me. The same when I'm in a small room/ area, on my work station or anywhere. Basta people have to be at least two arms' length away.

Lately I haven't been enjoying my own little space. This 30 something, whatever unit of measure it is that we use for areas, square meter ba? Anyway, this little studio that I live in is starting to crowd me. Believe me, it's small! My single bed is on one corner, a few feet would be my TV, beside it is a small table which is almost sticking to the sink which doubles as my kitchen coz that's where the stove is. Right beside it is my personal ref then a little hallway where the cabinet is and then door to my bathroom tapos the main door na. Not to mention the boxes that I have for my CDs and DVDs that's on the floor. Basta, it's so masikip na I want to leave.

Kaya lang, my experience in moving from one apartment to another wasn't that enjoyable. It was such a hassle! If you haven't experienced it, wag na! In fairness naman this is super near everything especially the office. And I don't think I can find a decent place pa that's near.

So why am I ranting about this? Kasi brownout at laptop ko lang ang tanging ilaw ko! I'm so not liking this so I'm blaming it all on this rut. Leche. Lord let there be light.

Pero I miss this old house (the space, I mean)

Friday, August 14, 2009

Pythons at the Semi Finals

The Aegis PS Synergy ’09 eliminations round concluded today with the most needed win by the Red Cyber Pythons' Volleyball team against the Black Pirates. The match lasted 3 rounds with the last point coming from an error on the opponents end. To make it more exciting, it recorded the longest rally in Pythons’ series of games. Although the point went to the opponent, that did not stop us from bagging the win.

Next week, the semi finals will commence with Pythons’ volleyball, basketball and badminton teams competing against the other verticals. Indeed we managed to take all three teams to the semis. Definitely it will be an exciting season for the team of champions! Gooooo PYTHONS!!!

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Mars and Pars

I received a text message yesterday and was surprised that it was from a college friend. It’s been 9 years since we got out of college and I could barely recall the number of times I got together with my college friends after graduation. I guess we just lost touch. Honestly, I personally withdrew myself from them for reasons I cannot recall either.

Don’t get me wrong, college was fun. If it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t have had some of my first experiences.

First time to cut classes – our tambayan was at this bakery cum dormitory along Legarda street. There were 3 floors. At the ground floor were the store, pugon and the tambayan itself. At the second floor were a few rooms that manang’s family rented. And the third floor was where manang’s family lived. It was my second home for four years. Everytime we would cut class, we would go there to hang out, play tong its, darts, shoot some hoops (yes there was a half court inside) and of course drink. There were a mixture of students but the ones who stayed were my barkada. We were all Psych students who at one point in time became classmates since some were a bit pasaway and had to repeat some of the courses.

Out of those students, I grew close to 4 of them. Badju, Jay-O and Dani and Anjo. From the core came extensions like Adet, Jay-O’s girlfriend who later became his wife and Bax who then was Anjo’s boyfriend who later became her husband. There were some other extended barkadas like Lars, Topher, Amy, Abby, Ritzel and other studens who were manang’s kids’ barkada.

First out of town trip takas – We went to Quezon without my parents’ knowledge and we stayed there for 3 days and 2 nights. I think I told my parents that we were just staying at a classmate’s house in Antipolo for a group study.

First boys as barkadas – Since I came from an exclusive school for girls in highschool, they were my first boy friends. They were uber protective especially when other people would seem threatening. They look notorious and their reputation in campus was not that good but when we’re together, they would show extra care for the girls. One time we had an all night drinking session at Dani’s house and I was soo drunk I threw up. Jay and Badju were the ones who were with me inside the bathroom. Jay’s finger was in my throat forcing me to vomit while Badju was hanging on to my shirt for fear of me going straight into the toilet bowl while I puke my guts out. My first time to get dead wasted. I distinctly remember Badju telling me that had it been someone else whom I was drinking with, I would’ve gotten raped since I was so drunk. Since then, I only felt comfortable drinking my heart out if it’s with them.

Badju was my driver friend. He would fetch me and bring me home even if I had to go out with my other friends. He would be my “date”. He was the heartthrob and I would always be proud going around campus with him beside me. He couldn’t stick to one girl at that time but Dani and I were his constant girls. Heck I think we even did some hanky panky whenever we would go out with my other set of friends. They even thought Badju was my boyfriend but that was really because both of us were flirty by nature. I also think I had a major crush on him but our friendship overruled that romantic feeling. I became his firstborn’s godmother.

Jay would be the most pang-asar but would be the most serious when I was in deep trouble. He would be the first to pick on me when he’s drunk or after a hit but then he would also be the most malambing. One time he threatened to gang up on my then boyfriend when we found out he was cheating on me. My parents knew him and entrusted me to him. They said Jay was responsible for me whenever we’re together and Jay didn’t do anything to lose that trust. When he and Adet got married, I felt like I lost a friend but in reality, I gained another mar (short for mare). We were witnesses to how unstable their first few years of marriage was but later on they managed to get through those tough times. It’s sad that Badju broke the bad news that they already separated after several years.

Dani (a girl) was my partner in crime. When she got her car, she would let me drive and we’d have joy rides together. One time we drove all the way to Batangas just to hang out at this beach, which is now the famous La Luz resort. She ran away from home and wanted to stay with me for a few days. Since my parents were so against it, we ended up bringing her back to her house after 1 day. We both lost our father after college and it’s sad too that it’s been a long time since we last saw each other.

Anjo was the serious type. She would never miss inviting the rest of the gang to their house in Marikina during fiestas and special occasions in their family. Bax, the equally serious and the most responsible among the boys would always be present since he was Anjo’s boyfriend. To date, they already have two adorable daughters.

I rarely talk about my college life but that’s them in a nutshell. A few years after graduation, we made it a point to spend our annual reunion at our old tambayan. Manang would be delighted to see us all grown up and yet be the same college students who used to frequent their house. We have another bond since we were made godfather and godmother to Junie’s son. Junie was manang’s baker. He he.It has been quite a while since I joined them in our annual reunion and looking back, I would love to spend time with them again and reminisce the most exciting chapter of our lives.

Here’s hoping to see my mars and pars *sigh*